Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Oh Joy! I've Got A Hernia!
Hey, you remember the Friends episode where Joey gets a hernia lifting weights? Funny wasn't it. Well, I just recorded episode 33 - and I wasn't laughing anymore. Can you remember recently - I moved flat? You remember I mentioned that the lift broke down? I didn't go into details, but I had to lug heavy boxes and a TV set down 8 flights of stairs. At the time I just thought: 'Fucking elevator! Fucking building management! Fucking hot day! Fuck!' Little did I know that all the time I was giving myself a hernia!!
First sign was the other weekend as we were walking around town: Ooooouch! My guts hurt like hell. I thought: 'Fucking wine last night! Fucking fried breakfast!' etc. and just got on with the day. Then it happened again. 'Fucking ???' I was stumped. Then again. I thought, 'Oh fuck! This isn't a fried breakfast gurgling unpleasantly; it isn't a hangover, and isn't too much black coffee! - oh bollocks! I'm ill!'
I went to the doctor. It cost me €50 to see her (ker-ching). She checked me out and said it was most likely a hernia. I was relieved that it wasn't cancer or Chron's disease or something and figured if I just take it easy I'll be fine.
Anyway, all that flap out of the way, today I got on with recording episode 33 - my last installment of One Among the Sleepless. I set up the microphone in the front room (less boxy than the spare room; I wasn't mad about the sound on last week's episode). And so there I am, giving it 100% when I feel this pain in my guts. I check it out - and it's just like the doctor said it would be: a little lump poking out of my guts. She told me to push it back in again and come back and see her for another appointment so she can set me up to see the surgeon. Then it'll be off to the hospital to have an operation. Oh joy.
Needless to say, push the offending protrusion back in I did. Then for the remainder of the episode, every time I had to shout or make wild gestures, I did so with my hand pressed onto my guts to stop my hernia popping out again.
Now you may say that I should've gone and had a lie down and left recording until some time after I've had my operation and I'm completely recovered... but of course, that could be weeks, or even months. So I carried on regardless and got it done (don't worry, it wasn't that painful - I held it in just fine). Tomorrow I start editing the episode down to a sensible length. Right now it's absolutely gigantic at 2.5 hours long. I'll hopefully cut that down to an hour, but I can't see it being much less than that.
So forgive me ladies and gentlemen, but it may take a while. I'm not going back to the doctors until #33 is finished and One Among the Sleepless is complete. So don't panic: it may not be until the weekend, but it's coming... just so long as my hernia doesn't come too, eh? ;-) Oooooooh